01 · Roasts
9 commits/year isn't a career, it's a cameo
Your entire public contribution for the year fits on one hand — 9 commits across 52 weeks, with the heatmap looking like a connect-the-dots puzzle with most dots missing. GitHub is charging you rent you're not earning.
VIMS left database.php with credentials in 2011 and never came back
Your CakePHP incident management system committed database credentials to the repo, used raw SQL with addslashes 'sanitization', and called check_magic_quotes_runtime — then vanished in May 2011. The irony of an *incident management* system being its own security incident is not lost.
70% of your repos are in the graveyard
staleRepoRatio = 0.70: seven out of ten repos haven't been touched in over two years. You're not maintaining a portfolio, you're curating a museum of abandoned weekends.
The langPcts tell a different story than the bio
Bio says .NET and Azure architect. Public repos say 45% PHP and 29% AutoHotkey. C# clocks in at a humble 8%. The identity and the evidence are having a disagreement.
Zero tests, zero CI, across every single repo
VirtualDesktopIndicator: no tests, no CI. MarbleScroll: no tests, no CI. VIMS: no tests, no CI. The pattern is consistent — it's just consistently the wrong pattern.
Built using
Zoral
Shadows one worker for a week, then takes over their job with zero extra setup. Behaves exactly like the original.
zoral.ai
02 · Category breakdown
- Impact25% weight15F
- Consistency20% weight5F
- Quality20% weight41D
- Depth15% weight20F
- Breadth10% weight65C
- Community10% weight25F
03 · Stats
365-day commit heatmap
11 active days
Language distribution
- PHP45%
- AutoHotkey29%
- JavaScript11%
- C#8%
- Python6%
- Perl0%
- Other1%
04 · Numbers
Owned repos
non-fork
10
Commits
last 12 months
9
Followers
52
Joined GitHub
Apr 2009
05 · Top repos
darkmuck /
VIMS
CakePHP-based incident management system from 2011 with minimal adoption (2 stars), no tests, no CI, and deprecated PHP patterns (raw SQL, magic quotes, unescaped queries). Small, stagnant codebase shipped once in a week.
darkmuck /
VirtualDesktopIndicator
Fresh Windows virtual desktop overlay tool in Python; minimal footprint (9 KB, single .py file) with clear intent but no tests, typed code, or CI. One-week burst project with 3 commits in 9 minutes.
darkmuck /
MarbleScroll
One-week fork of legacy Logitech Trackman Marble mouse driver with 2 commits, minimal scoped Windows hook implementation for custom scroll behavior, no tests or CI.
06 · Timeline
- Apr 23, 2009Joined GitHub
- May 7, 2011Created VIMS — VIMS: Voyager Incident Management System
- Jun 17, 2022Created MarbleScroll — MarbleScroll for Logitech Trackman Marble
- Mar 6, 2026Created VirtualDesktopIndicator — Shows the current Windows virtual desktop number in a small overlay.
- Mar 6, 2026Most recent push to VirtualDesktopIndicator
07 · Compare
08 · Rubric
How this score was produced
Overall = Σ (category × weight) + gentle top-end curve
Tier thresholds
▸ How the pipeline works
- 01Scrape.Pull every non-fork repo pushed in the last 90 days, plus your contribution calendar, followers, and language byte counts — straight from GitHub's REST & GraphQL APIs.
- 02Triage.A small model reads every repo's file tree + README and picks the 20 files per repo that actually reveal how you code.
- 03Grade each repo. All repos run in parallel through a fast scoring model that reads the picked files and rates each one independently on Impact, Quality, and Depth — with evidence citations.
- 04Aggregate. A larger reasoning model combines the per-repo scores with server-computed stats (heatmap, commit cadence, language entropy, follower count) to produce the 6-dimension profile score + roasts.
- 05Correct.Deterministic server-side checks enforce anchor-scale floors (e.g. a profile with 2,000+ public commits can't score 30 Consistency) and recompute the final verdict.
~90 seconds per profile, ~$0.25 in compute. Total of ~240 files read across your top-12 repos. One rating per GitHub account per day.
▸ Data sources & caveats
- Heatmap & commit totals: GitHub GraphQL
contributionsCollection— covers the last 365 days, includes private repos when the user has opted in (default). - Language %: byte totals across the top 30 owned non-fork repos.
- Curve: a small upward nudge centered on raw score ≈ 70, capping at 100. Prevents specialists from being unfairly penalised for narrow breadth.
- Anchor corrections: when server-measured signals (e.g. privateWorkLikely, multiRepoVolume, follower count) mandate a minimum category score, the aggregation step enforces it. These are signal-conditional, not identity-based floors.