01 · Roasts
C is 97% of Your Bytes and 0% of Your Recent Work
Your langPcts scream 'systems programmer' with 97% C, but every repo scored in 2025–2026 is Go or Python. You're haunted by a graveyard of C code that's been dead so long it's started composting.
README as Performance Art
cronjobs.git: README.md reads 'No k8s! No p5m!' — 30 commits, 20 months, and that's the documentation. Kafka needs a thesis; your cron scripts apparently need a protest sign.
Single-Day Shipper Energy
sweepfi was created and last pushed on 2026-03-26 — the same day. One glorious afternoon of Home Assistant hacking, then silence. The vacuum maps your Wi-Fi; the repo maps your attention span.
180 PRs a Year But 0 Stars on Half Your Repos
You're out here filing 3.5 pull requests per week on other people's code while your own repos collectively harvest 0 stars. Gardener of other people's gardens, stranger to your own lawn.
71% Night Owl, 93% Solo Act
Firing off commits at 2am with 93% solo output means either you're very independent or your teammates don't exist. Either way, nobody's reviewing your 3am DHCPv6 relay refactors.
Built using
Zoral
Shadows one worker for a week, then takes over their job with zero extra setup. Behaves exactly like the original.
zoral.ai
02 · Category breakdown
- Impact25% weight58D
- Consistency20% weight65C
- Quality20% weight72B
- Depth15% weight65C
- Breadth10% weight45D
- Community10% weight65C
03 · Stats
365-day commit heatmap
264 active days
Language distribution
- C97%
- Assembly2%
- Python0%
- Go0%
- Perl0%
- C#0%
- Other1%
04 · Numbers
Owned repos
non-fork
22
Commits
last 12 months
594
Followers
120
Joined GitHub
Apr 2009
05 · Top repos
jkoelker /
schwab-mcp
Schwab MCP Server: Python CLI tool enabling LLM integration with Schwab trading API via Model Context Protocol. Features market data, account management, order placement with Discord approval workflows. Well-structured, typed, tested, documented.
jkoelker /
ipv6relayd
Specialized IPv6 relay daemon in Go with typed config, comprehensive tests, CI/CD, and architectural depth. Solves real networking problem but nascent (0 stars, repo ~6 months old).
jkoelker /
oneiro
Early-stage Discord bot for image generation with Hugging Face Diffusers. Well-typed Python 3.11+ with structured pipelines, config hot-reload, and tests. 492KB codebase shows thoughtful architecture but no production adoption yet (0 stars).
jkoelker /
schwab-proxy
Young Go OAuth2 proxy for Schwab Trading API with multi-client access. Typed, tested, CI-enabled, well-structured. Personal project with 30 commits in 9 months, no adoption signals yet.
jkoelker /
sweepfi
Home Assistant custom integration for Wi-Fi heatmapping on Valetudo vacuums. Single-day burst (created and last pushed 2026-03-26). Typed Python with clear structure, readable README, but minimal commit history, no tests/CI, and unfinished code samples.
jkoelker /
cronjobs
Minimal cronjob scripts repo with 0 stars/forks, bare README ("No k8s! No p5m!"), CI present but no tests, 65KB total, 30 commits spanning ~20 months—personal experiment with no adoption signal.
06 · Timeline
- Apr 20, 2009Joined GitHub
- Aug 7, 2024Created cronjobs — misc cronjobs
- Mar 21, 2025Created schwab-mcp — Chat with your portfolio.
- Jun 30, 2025Created schwab-proxy — OAuth2 Trading and Market API proxy for multi-client access
- Nov 22, 2025Created ipv6relayd — Relay RA, DHCPv6, and NDP so routed LANs stay online when upstream PD is unavailable and only a /64 is offered.
- Dec 26, 2025Created oneiro — Discord bot for image generation with Hugging Face Diffusers
- Mar 26, 2026Created sweepfi — Home Assistant Wi‑Fi heatmapping integration for Valetudo vacuums
- Apr 27, 2026Most recent push to oneiro
07 · Compare
08 · Rubric
How this score was produced
Overall = Σ (category × weight) + gentle top-end curve
Tier thresholds
▸ How the pipeline works
- 01Scrape.Pull every non-fork repo pushed in the last 90 days, plus your contribution calendar, followers, and language byte counts — straight from GitHub's REST & GraphQL APIs.
- 02Triage.A small model reads every repo's file tree + README and picks the 20 files per repo that actually reveal how you code.
- 03Grade each repo. All repos run in parallel through a fast scoring model that reads the picked files and rates each one independently on Impact, Quality, and Depth — with evidence citations.
- 04Aggregate. A larger reasoning model combines the per-repo scores with server-computed stats (heatmap, commit cadence, language entropy, follower count) to produce the 6-dimension profile score + roasts.
- 05Correct.Deterministic server-side checks enforce anchor-scale floors (e.g. a profile with 2,000+ public commits can't score 30 Consistency) and recompute the final verdict.
~90 seconds per profile, ~$0.25 in compute. Total of ~240 files read across your top-12 repos. One rating per GitHub account per day.
▸ Data sources & caveats
- Heatmap & commit totals: GitHub GraphQL
contributionsCollection— covers the last 365 days, includes private repos when the user has opted in (default). - Language %: byte totals across the top 30 owned non-fork repos.
- Curve: a small upward nudge centered on raw score ≈ 70, capping at 100. Prevents specialists from being unfairly penalised for narrow breadth.
- Anchor corrections: when server-measured signals (e.g. privateWorkLikely, multiRepoVolume, follower count) mandate a minimum category score, the aggregation step enforces it. These are signal-conditional, not identity-based floors.