01 · Roasts
The Museum Curator
Your entire GitHub is a museum: sag (2021), sag-js (2016), node-pandoc (2014). staleRepoRatio = 1.0 — not one repo pushed in the last 2 years. You didn't retire, you just stopped filing paperwork.
149 Stars, Zero Commits This Year
sag earned 149 stars and 50 forks — genuinely impressive for a niche CouchDB library — but your heatmap is 52 straight weeks of nothing. Fame without follow-through is just a Wikipedia page.
72% C, 0% Commits
Your language breakdown screams serious systems programmer (72% C, 19% Perl, Assembly makes an appearance), yet totalCommitsYear = 0. The robots are more active than you.
Serial Abandoner
sag → self-declared unmaintained. sag-js → explicitly archived. node-pandoc → last seen when Obama was president. There's a pattern here and it's not 'iterative development.'
77 Followers Watching Tumbleweeds
77 people followed you expecting content. Your heatmap is a flat line. That's not a following, that's a support group.
Built using
Zoral
Shadows one worker for a week, then takes over their job with zero extra setup. Behaves exactly like the original.
zoral.ai
02 · Category breakdown
- Impact25% weight46D
- Consistency20% weight55D
- Quality20% weight57D
- Depth15% weight50D
- Breadth10% weight55D
- Community10% weight40D
03 · Stats
365-day commit heatmap
0 active days
Language distribution
- C72%
- Perl19%
- JavaScript4%
- Assembly2%
- PHP1%
- Shell1%
- Other1%
04 · Numbers
Owned repos
non-fork
26
Commits
last 12 months
0
Followers
77
Joined GitHub
May 2009
05 · Top repos
sbisbee /
sag
CouchDB PHP library with 149 stars, solid typed structure, comprehensive test suite, and Apache-2.0 license. Now unmaintained (last push 2021), but demonstrates mature architecture: HAS_README, HAS_TESTS, HAS_LICENSE, structured src/ layout, exception-based error handling.
sbisbee /
sag-js
Abandoned CouchDB client library (last commit Oct 2016, 5+ years stale). Typed-agnostic JavaScript with working tests, README, and Makefile-driven build. Non-trivial but dormant project; archived by author in maintenance README note.
sbisbee /
node-pandoc
Node.js wrapper around Pandoc for markup conversion. Untyped, no tests/CI, minimal recent maintenance (last push 2014). Single-file implementation with basic README and functioning API.
06 · Timeline
- May 5, 2009Joined GitHub
- Mar 27, 2010Created sag — A simple but powerful PHP library for talking to CouchDB.
- Nov 2, 2011Created node-pandoc — A wrapper around the pandoc tool for node.
- Nov 30, 2011Created sag-js — A simple but powerful Node.js library for talking to CouchDB.
- Aug 24, 2021Most recent push to sag
07 · Compare
08 · Rubric
How this score was produced
Overall = Σ (category × weight) + gentle top-end curve
Tier thresholds
▸ How the pipeline works
- 01Scrape.Pull every non-fork repo pushed in the last 90 days, plus your contribution calendar, followers, and language byte counts — straight from GitHub's REST & GraphQL APIs.
- 02Triage.A small model reads every repo's file tree + README and picks the 20 files per repo that actually reveal how you code.
- 03Grade each repo. All repos run in parallel through a fast scoring model that reads the picked files and rates each one independently on Impact, Quality, and Depth — with evidence citations.
- 04Aggregate. A larger reasoning model combines the per-repo scores with server-computed stats (heatmap, commit cadence, language entropy, follower count) to produce the 6-dimension profile score + roasts.
- 05Correct.Deterministic server-side checks enforce anchor-scale floors (e.g. a profile with 2,000+ public commits can't score 30 Consistency) and recompute the final verdict.
~90 seconds per profile, ~$0.25 in compute. Total of ~240 files read across your top-12 repos. One rating per GitHub account per day.
▸ Data sources & caveats
- Heatmap & commit totals: GitHub GraphQL
contributionsCollection— covers the last 365 days, includes private repos when the user has opted in (default). - Language %: byte totals across the top 30 owned non-fork repos.
- Curve: a small upward nudge centered on raw score ≈ 70, capping at 100. Prevents specialists from being unfairly penalised for narrow breadth.
- Anchor corrections: when server-measured signals (e.g. privateWorkLikely, multiRepoVolume, follower count) mandate a minimum category score, the aggregation step enforces it. These are signal-conditional, not identity-based floors.